Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
