my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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