The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
