You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
