seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
