if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
