I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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