So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
