Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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