I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
