It's Friday. Sex?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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