I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dicks are not precious.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
