Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
