i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
