He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
