i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize