Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
