I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His nipple licking is glorious
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