Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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