I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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