I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
