my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
