a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
