You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
