yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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