NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
