My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
