My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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