how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
