Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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