How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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