all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
