help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
