Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
