i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
