Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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