Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
