I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
