out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
