yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
