Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
