dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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