i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
