Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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