I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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