Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
