He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
