i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
