I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
