You made me cry and you don't even care
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
